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Toaster's Handbook
Jokes, Stories, and Quotations

written by "Fanning, C. E. (Clara Elizabeth), 1878-1938"
...of the family from the orchard. "We haven't got time to fool with our souls when the bees are swarmin'." Edith was light-hearted and merry over everything. Nothing appealed to her seriously. So, one day, her mother decided to invite a very serious young parson to dinner, and he was placed next the light-hearted girl. Everything went well until she asked him: "You speak of everybody having a mission. What is yours?" "My mission," said the parson, "is to save young men." "Good," replied the girl, "I'm glad to meet you. I wish you'd save one for me." SAVING Take care of the pennies and the dollars will be blown in by your heirs.—Puck. "Do you save up money for a rainy day, dear?" "Oh, no! I never shop when it rains." JOHNNY—"Papa, would you be glad if I saved a dollar for you?" PAPA—"Certainly, my son." JOHNNY—"Well, I saved it for you, all right. You said if I brought a first-class report from my teacher this week you would give me a dollar, and I didn't bring it." According to the following story, economy has its pains as well as its pleasures, even after the saving is done. One spring, for some reason, old Eli was going round town with the face of dissatisfaction, and, when questioned, poured forth his voluble tale of woe thus: "Marse Geo'ge, he come to me last fall an' he say, 'Eli, dis gwine ter be a hard winter, so yo' be keerful, an' save yo' wages fas' an' tight.' "An' I b'lieve Marse Geo'ge, yas, sah, I b'lieve him, an' I save an' I save, an' when de winter come it ain't got no hardship, an' dere was I wid all dat money jes' frown on mah hands!" "Robert dear," said the coy little maiden to her sweetheart, "I'm sure you love me; but give me some proof of it, darling. We can't marry on fifteen dollars a week, you know." "Well, what do you want me to do?" said he, with a grieved air. "Why, save up a thousand dollars, and have it safe in the bank, and then I'll marry you." About two m...

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