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Ruthless Rhymes for Heartless Homes
written by "Graham, Harry, 1874-1936"
...have had Some difficulties with a cheque. What forgery in some might be Is absentmindedness in me! I know that I was much abused, [33]No doubt when I was young and rash, But I should not have been accused Of misappropriating cash. I may have sneaked a silver dish;— Well, you may search me if you wish! So, now you see me, more or less, As I would figure in your thoughts; A trifle given to excess And prone perhaps to vice of sorts; When tempted, rather apt to fall, But still—a good chap after all! [34] The Cat (Advice to the Young) MY children, you should imitate The harmless, necessary cat, Who eats whatever's on his plate, And doesn't even leave the fat; Who never stays in bed too late, Or does immoral things like that; Instead of saying "Shan't!" or "Bosh!" He'll sit and wash, and wash, and wash! When shadows fall and lights grow dim He sits beneath the kitchen stair; Regardless as to life and limb, A simple couch he chooses there; And if you tumble over him, He simply loves to hear you swear. And, while bad language you prefer, He'll sit and purr, and purr, and purr! The Cat. [35] The Children's "Don't" DON'T tell Papa his nose is red As any rosebud or geranium, Forbear to eye his hairless head Or criticise his cootlike cranium; 'Tis years of sorrow and of care Have made his head come through his hair. Don't give your endless guinea-pig (Wherein that animal may build a Sufficient nest) the Sunday wig Of poor, dear, dull, deaf Aunt Matilda. Oh, don't tie strings across her path, Or empty beetles in her bath! Don't ask your uncle why he's fat; [36]Avoid upon his toe-joints treading; Don't hide a hedgehog in his hat, Or bury bushes in his bedding. He will not see the slightest sport In pepper put into his port! Don't pull away the cherished chair On which Mamma intended sitting, Nor yet prepare her session there By setting on the seat her k...

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