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Mr. Punch's Cockney Humour
written by "Hammerton, John Alexander, Sir, 1871-1949"
...and cock-robins dear! All hail, thou flowery, showery season, When throstles, mating, perch the trees on: When sparrows on the house-tops sit, And court their loves with cheery twit: While opera songsters tune their throats, Exchanging for our gold their notes! Now Nature her new dress receives, And dinner-tables spread their leaves; Asparagus again one sees, And early ducklings, served with peas; Again the crisp whitebait we crunch, And chops of lambkin blithely munch; Salmon again our shops afford, And plovers' eggs adorn the board; While for one day at least our sons May stuff themselves with hot cross buns! See now the swells begin to show Their horsemanship in Rotten Row: See now the Drive is thronged once more, And idlers lounge there as of yore: See now fair April fills Mayfair, And gives new life to Grosvenor Square. See now what crowds flock to the Zoo, Where Master Hippo is on view See daffodils, and daisies pied In bloom, and buttercups beside: See now the thorn, and e'en the rose Signs of returning Spring disclose: See now the lilac large in bud; While costermongers, splashed with mud, The product of the passing showers, Cry, "Here's yer all a blowing flowers!" Or wake the echoes of the groves[A] With "Hornaments for yer fire-stoves!" [A] Westbourne Grove, Lisson Grove, Camden Grove, &c. [Pg 181] 'Appy 'Arry— "With my new panama-a-ar And tupp'ny ciga-a-ar." [Pg 182] ENCOURAGING, VERY! Cockney Art-Teacher (newly arrived and nervous—after a long silence). "If you should see a chance o' drorin' any thing correctly—DO SO!!"     [Collapse of expectant student. [Pg 183] Standing no Nonsense. 'Arry. "Phew!"—(the weather was warm, and they had walked over from 'Ammersmith)—"bring us a bottle o'champagne, waiter." Waiter. "Yessir—dry, sir?" 'Arry (aughtily, to put a stop to this familiarity at once...

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