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Mr. Punch with The Children
written by "Hammerton, John Alexander, Sir, 1871-1949"
... [Pg 14] Rehearsal for Private Theatricals on Boxing-Day.—Master Brown (leading tragedian, who has been studying a fearful blood-curdling old melodrama, entering suddenly). "Here are the letters. Two million pounds is the price of my silence!" Walking Home from the Pantomime.—Little Chris (who usually goes to bed very early). Mamma, have all the angels been to Drury Lane to-night? Mamma. No, darling? Why? Little Chris (pointing to the stars). 'Cause they've kept the lamps up there lighted so late. [Pg 15] Our Christmas Tea.—Unregenerate Youth. "Pass the seedy caike!" Vicar's Daughter. "If——? If——?" Unregenerate Youth. "If 'e don't I'll shove 'im in the faice!" [Pg 16] THE PROBLEM. Samuel. "Muvver, does a hen lay an egg when it likes or must it?" [Pg 17] A Grand-Daughter of Eve.—Mamma (to Molly, who has scratched and bitten her French nurse, and who won't be sorry for her behaviour). "Oh, Molly, don't you know who it is puts such wicked thoughts into your head?" Molly. "Ah, yes, the scratching! But to bite Félicie was quite my own idea!" [Pg 18] Rogues Falling Out.—Mamma. What is baby crying for, Maggie? Maggie. I don't know. Mamma. And what are you looking so 'ndignant about? Maggie. That nasty, greedy dog's been and took and eaten my 'punge-take! Mamma. Why, I saw you eating a sponge-cake a minute ago! Maggie. O—that was baby's! A Scientific Nursery Definition.—Little Algy Muffin. What's the meaning of bric-à-brac, that mamma was talking about to Colonel Crumpet? Little Chris Crumpet. Those things we mustn't play bricks with, a-fear we'll break them. Poetry for Schoolboys.—Little Tommy Tender, who received a flogging the week before his holidays, says his feelings were the contrary of those felt by the poet, when he penned the touc...

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