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Mr. Punch's After-Dinner Stories
written by "Leech, John, 1817-1864"
...onstadt——" Brown. "—— After dinner." [Pg 122] HEAVY Stranger (just arrived at the City of Eastminster). "What can I have for dinner, waiter?" Waiter. "Anything you please, sir!" Stranger. "What are you celebrated for here?" Waiter. "Well, sir, there's the cathedral——!!" [Pg 123] HORRIBLE SUSPICION Old Gentleman. "Oh, waiter, why is it that a dinner off the joint is five shillings, but if you only have made dishes and soup, it's two shillings and sixpence?" Waiter. "That, sir, is on account of the very high price of butcher's meat just now, sir." [Pg 124] SELF-EXAMINATION Party (slightly influenced). "Queshion ish! Am I fit to go intodrawingroom? Letsh shee!—I can shay gloriush conshyshusn!—Have seen Brish inshychusion—all that shortothing—thatledo—here gosh!" [Pg 125] During the Cattle Show.—Old Farmer Wuzzle (reading the bill of fare). "Dinners har lar cart! What does that mean, Polly?" Miss Wuzzle (who has been to a fashionable boarding-school to be finished, who has been taught French and how "to spank the grand pianner" and who is never at a loss). "Aller cart, father? Why, that means a small, simple dinner. If you want something heavy and first-rate, you order what they call a dinner waggon!" [Pg 126] "March of Refinement," 1875.—Brown (behind the age, but hungry). "Give me the bill of fare, waiter." Head Waiter. "Beg pardon, sir?" Brown. "The bill of fare." Head Waiter. "The what, sir? O!—ah!—Yes!"—(to subordinate)—"Chawles, bring this—this—a—gen'leman—the menoo!!" [Pg 127] "MELTING!" Stout Chairman (who feels the fire close at his back rather oppressive). "Waiter, I asked you to bring me a screen." Waiter. "Master's very sorry, sir, but we ain't got no screen!" Stout Chairman. "Then, for goodness' sak...

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